And So It Begins

Well, here's one situation I never thought I would find myself in. Me, Miss Olivia Powell, 30 years old, a little bit 'floopy' and I've been (albeit slightly forcibly) launched into self-employed-dom...

It all started on a particularly unincredible day, which is something I don't get. I mean, aren't days that change your life supposed to be different, somehow? Surely the clouds should be full of portent and dark and brooding? Well I can tell you it wasn't too hot, it wasn't too cold and the sun was shining happy as you like.

When they first told me I did cry a little - anyone who tells you that they weren't upset to be made redundant either hated their job or is lying. But pretty quickly I started to feel like someone was trying to tell me something. Reading that makes me smile, though, because isn't that what everyone says? "Oh yes, I knew it was going to happen, I felt it in my waters". Well, for the first time in my life I can actually say that I did know and I did get the feeling I should be... well FEELING something!

So I packed up things from my desk and, without tearful goodbyes (no hard feelings, here), clutching my scant belongings (the little plastic statue of Captain Jack Sparrow and my Bubba Gump mug), went forth into the big wide world, blinking slightly in the sunlight. Unfortunately, my undramatic dramatic exit was scampered somewhat by having to dodge the huge lorry right outside the offices, but the sentiment was there all the same.

I couldn't tell you what I felt the first night. I think it was sadness (I couldn't eat), a certain amount of stress (how could I afford to eat?) but also a little bit of relief (now I could eat in bed when I wanted!). I sat staring blankly at the television only really capable of mumbles and thinking random thoughts like whether or not it was possible to make any money from knowing all the lines to all the Star Wars films. Eventually I just fell asleep, really because there was nothing else to do.

The next day brought a strange feeling of elation. I was free. Free from commuting to work every day (the drive from Belper to Nottingham is not a pretty one). Free from being told what to do. Oh, and of course free from having a salary every month. OK, that wasn't the best part of it, but at least this meant I could say, and even slightly believe, that this had Happened For A Reason. Well, I got that far at least, I managed to have numerous conversations with people saying "ah yes, well it was inevitable, really" and "well, I am going to take some time to consider my options". But really, all I wanted to to was wander around with Dan and the dog in the sunshine because, in true cathartic form, the unseasonal hot weather had started the day after I was made redundant!

Unfortunately, the feeling of freedom and slight lethargy couldn't last long as there were the boring chores of paying the bills and putting food on the table (see? Eating again, maybe I should be a food critic?!). But the main problem was exactly what I could do. I could always go and get a job, same as before when a similar thing has happened to me. Then again I could always have a complete change of career (teacher? food critic? Star Wars expert?), but quite frankly I just could not be bothered. Besides, I quite enjoy what I do, it's creative and quite fun.

So here I stand today, having started my first blog, with a view to, well, writing about things and seeing where that gets me. "Crazy fool!" I hear you shout. Well, maybe I am, but at least I am, for the time being at least, free. On that note, I am off to eat my lunch, which I can do whenever I like. Because I am free. Very profound.